I didn’t go out until later in the day. That meant a lot of time in front of books or computers. Not terribly exciting in terms of a diary. It did mean quite a bit of introspection and a fair amount of cut and paste (editing).
I suppose the introspection may be quite interesting. So here goes:
- Listening and feeling to your body’s reaction in whatever you are doing is very, I meanVERY, important. By the time the brain has caught up, after having a conversation with itself about what is happening, the body has already spoken. Not only has it spoken but it has taken action. The body made me take time for a breathing meditation and then to just sit for an hour this afternoon. Before this, I felt sick with anxiety and fatigue. I am lucky to have the space to do this, at the moment, because years of ignoring my body has brought me to this point. It has made me ill.
- Fear drives other people’s responses to you, especially if you are doing something different. I am not sure what they are frightened of? Perhaps they are really fearful of taking a similar path to the one you have chosen so they share that fear with you through sabotage? They definitely want to stop you. I know there are a lot of people with more fancy qualifications than I, that have come up with lots of theories in this sphere, and I am not going there. However, I know that I have to spot that it is other peoples’ fear not mine. It is OK to ignore it.
- Narcissism is a thing. It is a cancer which ruins far too many lives, including those with this syndrome (or whatever it is). I don’t have an answer other than just being aware helps.
“Creativity is not a talent. It is a way of operating.” John Cleese
I wish I had realised this much sooner.
- I have no desire to win The Booker Prize. I just want to tell stories. I am definitely good enough to do this.
There you go. Once I had finished this contemplating, I went to the pub with my mates, ate good food and did much better at the quiz (than last week). We didn’t win but it was fun. I mean, do you remember the name of the mouse in Dumbo? No we didn’t either.
